How to take up an unbearable loss

Nimmi.. a person I came across in my life. She is my close friend and was an ex-colleague at my present company. She moved to another company to grow her carrier. Well, she is of my same age somewhat, has a younger brother who is now studying and got a semester to complete. Her mother is a working lady, as far as I have heard she works in a hospital.
           Today just like the other days, I get dressed up in my best dress to office. Trying to look good and the next day is our team outing. All is going good and fair. I reach my office and move to one of my friend's bay. I have a couple of gossips and chat. My friends ask out for a treat as I am likely to get performance bonus. I agree and walkaway to my cube. Tis 9:45am and I move to my bay to take up work.
I reach my seat and just as I have a stable position, my friend Lijo from behind tells me ,
"Da... Nimmi's father is no more...."
" what!! but how??", I am shocked
"He had a heart attack.. not much details clear to us..This was told to Kannan".
            I sit there shocked and trying to realize what is really happening, to realize the truth that my dear Nimmi is facing a loss. The loss she suffered was her father. Her moral support and her idol.
The day goes by and I plan to get to Nimmi by evening along with Lijo and another colleague of us. We leave the office at 5pm and reach her house by 6:30pm. There, I meet Nimmi after couple of months.
Her eyes with tired eyes of weeping. She was not in her best dress. She was lost in a world of brutal reality that she has lost her father. Her mother was laying on bed in the bedroom which was visible from the place we were sitting. Nimmi asked whether we would like to talk to her. We refused, rather we suggested her to take rest. After few minutes we hear Nimmi's mom crying badly. I don't have words to explain that. I just wished to run out of there somehow but I wanted to console Nimmi. I wanted to talk to her personally which I couldn't do. We returned back.
All the way back I just asked myself, "What wrong hath she done, the person so innocent I knew to be, that she hath to take this loss?"
There is only one universal truth, "It is God's will to giveth and taketh life... We are born with a purpose, when our purpose is served then tis of no more importance..."

The song I play now on my guitar....

The song I am singing now on my guitar is 'Pani Da' from the movie Viicky Donor which I feel is very much attached to my life.... here is the song 

Pani da rang vekh ke
Akhiyaan cho anju rul de
Maahiya na aaya mera, maahiya na aaya
Maahiya na aaya mera, maahiya na aaya
Ranjhana na aaya mera, maahiya na aaya
Maahiya na aaya mera, ranjhana na aaya
Akhaan da noor vekh ke
Akhaan da noor vekh ke
Akhiyaan cho anju rul de

Kamli ho gayi tere bina aaja ranjhan mere
Baarish barkha sab kuch beh gayi, aaya nahi jind mere
Akhaan da noor vekh ke
Akhiyaan cho anju rul de

Kotthe utte beh ke akhiyaan milaunde
Na jaana main tu kabhi chhod
Tere utte marda, pyaar tenu karda
Milega tujhe na koi aur
Tu bhi aa sabko chhod ke
Tu bhi aa sabko chhod ke
Meri akhiyaan cho anju rul de
Akhiyaan cho anju rul de

Pani da rang vekh ke
Akhiyaan cho anju rul de..

The video @ Youtube
Video

The meaning"Pani da" meaning

Few moments in God's lap..

This Sunday, i.e., yesterday, was special for me. Perhaps it was not the first time that I had attended the church as a deacon.
It was an English service at church yesterday, as it was the fifth Sunday of the month. I read the epistle Romans 5:11-16 and then continued with rest of the service. At the end when the curtain was closed, I knelt before the holy altar. It was such a great feeling and it was as if sitting in the lap of God.
Every firth Sunday reminds me that am I living right. Now shouldn't I be thinking about this everyday or every Sunday. Well maybe, No! Because on every fifth Sunday I am standing inside the altar and one needs to be fit for it and I am not.
Well I just hope I change soon....

New Spark

Ha!! it is September.. :) and it was July the last time i wrote my post here. I was never sure I would come here again, write any more painful words and I never ever will.
Guess, this title means the same. One who has read my previous posts here might think am in love again but this is right. I am in love and it is more deeper. I love my all time friend, who pulled me out of my world of fantasy which was me surrounded by dark shadows.
Moving on, this month I faced another test. I knew very well this gonna happen. A girl with dark round mesmerizing eyes appears. It seems to have some sort of strong power. And I think again, questioning myself "Should I repeat this again?" and the answer was plainly "No!". I cant take any more pain. Am only looking eagerly at those stars that lit my sky in the nights. So beautiful were they and now its gone. All these were pure illusions I made up for myself.
And Satan, however strong you are gonna tempt me , you are gonna fail. Not again. This is my new life with new victories I have already achieved which I thought I would get earlier by the dark angel. Satan, even if your dark angel pulled me down, today a fair white angel from God has saved me. I am proud to be pure today. :)

The blog is not gonna stop because of some crap happen in my past. It was my past and will always be. Few touch and memorables remain and those gonna burn. I wont hate my past and I cant becoz I am gonna stick to ma principles. :) See ya soon back :)

Discovering oneself---- part 2

To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved
~George MacDonald

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.
~Alexander Smith

Cry of a mother...

It is Friday May 4th 2012 and am back to my home.My mom is so damn happy to see me. After one week she gets to see me. I can feel the creepiness in her eyes. The feeling to drown me in her LOVE and CARE. This creepiness is from the depth of motherhood.
    After some time I sit for prayer with her and that is the moment I fear 'cause I know she will burst out with tears. She cries hard when she prays for her daughter who resides away from her and her heart longs to be with her daughter. In the next few minutes I wish my ears to close as her cry is worse than the crying baby taken away from his mother. Tears fill in my eyes and my ears bleed. My chest pains and I just don't wanna listen her cry. I too pray for my didi. I just pray she is blessed with a man who can take care of her and keep her happy. Her smile is simply gorgeous. God! how precious is her smile. Wouldn't You shower Your blessings on her???
   Now when I long to gift her with the best girl, I seem to be lost. For I am not certain whether how fare would I do it. I want to gift you with a girl who would love you and respect you more than me. I have always wanted that the girl whom I would marry should realize what I have for you, my mother.
                         Mamma, I remember you saying that you cried and for me to come into your life and that really means God will be with me in whatever I do for you. Mummy I do love you a lot but I do not know what will happen with my life and what I will do for you. When I see myself getting lost, myself getting drowned in the ocean I had, it is damn more painful and I see things which might only bring tears in your eyes. I will put here what vision I saw.
    You remember mom, in Orissa when we went for a prayer gathering at Jhirpani a pastor had called out that I will follow God in my very youth. Mummy! I see this coming. I tried to find my love, my partner. I failed couple of times when I could really see what they were but this was not the end. Mummy, I found my true love. For in her I could see myself. Mummy, I realized that she is the one but mummy this was again not the end. Mummy I was left behind. My everything is being taken. My breathe, my love and my touch of passion is being taken. I now feel that God is showing me something. A painful but rejoicing in God service. I feel like He wants to show that I ain't normal. I am not supposed to unite. I have to be alone. Mummy, I have felt this many times before. He wants me to serve Him. Mummy, I just pray if this turns out to be the reality you please accept me. If not I only wish you get to read this one day. God will make you read this. Till then I am here with you mom.

Song of first day

Its first of May and You are away.
I ain't looking anywhere, my heart just sways,
Thirsty for each moment to look into those eyes,
How hard it was for me to bid you goodbyes.

With every single word that I told you,
Hoping you'd feel the slightest of something new,
Even my absence shall keep you safe,
The paths won't be faint though they lie amidst the dew.

No more do I hear the birds chirping,
No more do I see the Sun rise above the hills,
Coz they are signs showing me that,
It's gonna be another day without you.