My first public appearance with the guitar...

With ma lovely EY choir... singing 'O come all ye faithful', 'Go tell it on the mountains' and 'Jingle bell rock'.

I wish I could do just more

Here is a poem composed by me. It talks about a feeling that solitude sparks in us and this poem narrates couple of things which I witness daily...

The morning sun calls the day,
The candid cold bites me to wake,
 I have a place to go,
Unwilling to follow again the daily routine,
But "Worship thy work" shall be my need,
Dozen of hours it lies ahead,
Again I whisper to myself today,
I wish I could do just more.




I walk by the road in mornings,
Few ducks having a splash in the gullies,
They toddle making the place around wet,
Freshness covers their opening wings,
Preparing to live another day,
This sight repose me a feeling,
And I just say to myself,
I wish I could do just more.

I see a small house, home to an old lady,
Assailable it lies beneath a tree,
Shadowed by its huge branches,
Open to the stray dogs and cats,
Always a gentle breeze exists around,
Passing by the place monotonously it pulls be back,
An innocent creature that hides in a shack.

Now the freshness is gone,
Loneliness do abide,
Shadows dim away bidding me goodbye,
Time that has gone by never lets you die,
Memories now ask me,
Dont you wish you could just do something more?

Laakh Duniya Kahe Tum Nahin Ho....

A song that bring tears to my eyes... beautiful yet painful words...

Laakh Duniya Kahe Tum Nahi Ho
(The world may say that you are not there)
Tum Yahin Ho Tum Yahin Ho
(You are here and here only)

Meri Harr Soch Mein
(In my every thought)
Meri Harr Baat Mein
(And in my every talk)
Mere Ehsaas Mein
(In my feelings)
Mere Jazbaat Mein
(And in my emotions)
Tum Hi Tum Ho
(You and only you are there)
Tum Har Kahin Ho
(You are everywhere)

Tumne Choda Hai Kab Saath Mera
(When you left my side)
Thaame Ho Aaj Bhi Haath Mera
(Even now, you are the one holding my hand)
Koi Manzil Koi Rehguzar Ho
(For every aim, every path)
Aaj Bhi Tum Mere Humsafar Ho
(Even to this day, you are my only companion)
Jaaun Chahe Jahaan Tum Vahi Ho
(Wherever I go, I find you)

Khushboo Banke Hawaon Mein Tum Ho
(You're there in the wind as a fragrance)
Rang Banke Fizaon Mein Tum Ho
(You are the colour of season)
Koi Gaaye Koi Saans Goonje
(In any song or any breath)
Sab Sureeli Sadaon Mein Tum Ho
(In every hum you are there)

Tumko Har Roop Mein Dil Hai Pehchanta
(My heart recognise every form you take)
Log Hai Bekhabar Par Hai Dil Jaanta
(People are unaware but my heart knows that)
Tu Mere Paas Ho Dilnasheen Ho
(You are with me, in my heart)

Tum yahin ho, tum yahin ho...
(You and only you are there)

Tune to play when your heart seems to sway

One of my all time favorites is "Dekho kaise phoolon..." by Strings which came out in the stores during the release of Spiderman 2. As we know this movie is not only about Spiderman's fight against evil Octavius but also highlights his emotional attachment with his love Mary Jane. A moment where he feels he is losing his love and this song emphasizes more on this only.

Victory or Defeat

Hey everyone, how are you all? Ghosh! It has been a long time I have written any experience. Now wait! I need to think whether I am allowed to write anything about myself here or any thoughts that come in my mind. What to do! I am a slave to few souls...

Ha! I can't think of any because the last couple of weeks were really challenging. IT world has never been so easy, so smooth. It is always challenging. The point at the end is how much justice you do to yourself. One person in my life I know used to tell me , whether the world might be against you but do justice to yourself.

There has been situations when I have felt why not just quit? Well we should not be a coward! We should not be a person who quits. Maybe we shall fail but even losing is better than losing without fighting. Fight for something which is worth fighting for. Live for the moments that is worth living for. We all must have watched the movie 300. The king knew he and his soldiers would die, but why did he still choose for it?

Worse situations may always arise and the point is not losing yourself but making yourself strong to face it. Give back a blow! Once , twice and thrice... Few things I find is applicable even the places we work or moments we live. Sometimes you know you cannot win, you cannot beat the person down. You have, in some corner of your mind prepared to face the wrath but still some voice within you tells you to keep fighting. What is it? Is it really from within you or some super phenomena?

The bitter truth is " Resort to silence even when you find you should be speaking because the point is not in winning the debate but doing justice to yourself. At the same time, the people who point fingers at you take this as your defeat but it is not so. In their eyes you might be the loser but in your own eyes you are the victorious fighter who knows to break the silence but accepted silence as their metal because you care! "

See ya all soon here again... good night... :)

"All in all... I am nothing at all.... "

However rich we are,

However big we are,

Either by doings or keeping few things,

One belief we should keep,

"All in all... I am nothing at all.... "

Live by moments ,

Live without fears,

Not today or tomorrow,

Keeps anything for you near,

What you have today,

May be gone tomorrow,

"All in all... I am nothing at all.... "

Master by will,

Master by thoughts,

But Slave to the doings,

Slave to some souls,

With nothing we were born,

With nothing we'll be gone,

"All in all... I am nothing at all.... "

Plain but true

"Freedom can be stolen but not the memories,
 Pages of feelings can be burnt but it still remains in ashes,
 Love is not just possession,
 But living the moments that can never be bought....."

Heart beats to the rhythm of Jiya Re ( Guitar chords)

Bm7           F#m

Chali rey, chali rey

D                A             

Ju-noon ko liye

Bm7   F#m           D            A

Katra, katra lamho ko diye

Bm7           F#m     D         A   

Pinjrey se uda dil ka shikra

Bm7                                            A

Khoodi se maine ishq kiya rey

Bm7  

Jiya jiya rey jeeya rey
F#m 

Jiya jiya rey jeeya rey
D                                        A

Jiya jiya rey jeeya rey jiya oo....

Bm7  

Jiya jiya rey jeeya rey
F#m 

Jiya jiya rey jeeya rey
A                                        E

Jiya jiya rey jeeya rey jiya oo....

Amazing beats and rhythm. Played this song yesterday on my guitar... :)

God is the answer

Just couple of days back I got to realize that when we humans think that something wrong has happened to us or some injustice been done on us then we really need to have faith on God that He never lets His children  fall down or be wronged without a purpose.
I have always felt this but never believed that whatever wrong happens to us, at that moment we feel we are the worst in the world but dear readers it is not so. We humans can only see a distance ahead of us in life. We make so many plannings, so many wishes to come true but when they fail we utterly loose hope in God but the right thing is that if something bad has happened with you, if you think so, it has happened for something much better to happen in you life. Dear readers, we , mere earthlings , can only look at life with the power of Present but with no power of the Next Instant ( or say immediate Future). We are so weak and  yet we have big Dreams, uncertain of what is to come. I assure you all that just rest you hopes unto God, He will always be by your side and do not worry at any wrong that happens with you, maybe you loose someone very close to you which you never expected. God knows what is the priority in our life that will make our life much more beautiful.

TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY 
TO GOD ALONE BE THE PRAISE!!!

Once in a while you feel weak

I am travelling a train with people in all age groups and among them do travel boys of my age. For past few months I have been more concerned about my health and that too my fitness. Yes I am weak and thin. I am not normal, unlike the guys who have normal chest size or wrist size. I come nearly to their half. In my mind then it starts working out my fantasies of going to gym and exercise or workout so that I too look normal.           

                   Well I myself don't know why I have started this calculations or comparision. Yeah the world isn't safe or I say normal for people like me to survive. I know I am being judged by the way I look and I am  a person who personally don't do that. I have always been a lover of heart and not a lover of skin. I myself do not know whether should I make any attempt to change my looks but I just wanna try. I do not expect changes in people's thought about me but I wanna make my life normal. We do go tired trying to run away from such comparision and calculations. Trying to hide some truth in your looks like as if you got less hair or your wrists or hands look thin or you shoulders aren't manly or you got strange sized ears or over-sized belly. We try to hide this things from others.

                 There are two things that do happen at this time. You do feel weak. By saying weak what I mean to say is the feeling when you feel that you are a step or steps away from being normal. The second thing we should be doing is that we should stay confident that I AM ONE IN A MILLION. I am unique and I know that damn well. Let the first feeling be there becoz its gonna keep me down to earth and live the second feeling becoz you gonna need a soul to fight back this nasty world!!! :)

How to take up an unbearable loss

Nimmi.. a person I came across in my life. She is my close friend and was an ex-colleague at my present company. She moved to another company to grow her carrier. Well, she is of my same age somewhat, has a younger brother who is now studying and got a semester to complete. Her mother is a working lady, as far as I have heard she works in a hospital.
           Today just like the other days, I get dressed up in my best dress to office. Trying to look good and the next day is our team outing. All is going good and fair. I reach my office and move to one of my friend's bay. I have a couple of gossips and chat. My friends ask out for a treat as I am likely to get performance bonus. I agree and walkaway to my cube. Tis 9:45am and I move to my bay to take up work.
I reach my seat and just as I have a stable position, my friend Lijo from behind tells me ,
"Da... Nimmi's father is no more...."
" what!! but how??", I am shocked
"He had a heart attack.. not much details clear to us..This was told to Kannan".
            I sit there shocked and trying to realize what is really happening, to realize the truth that my dear Nimmi is facing a loss. The loss she suffered was her father. Her moral support and her idol.
The day goes by and I plan to get to Nimmi by evening along with Lijo and another colleague of us. We leave the office at 5pm and reach her house by 6:30pm. There, I meet Nimmi after couple of months.
Her eyes with tired eyes of weeping. She was not in her best dress. She was lost in a world of brutal reality that she has lost her father. Her mother was laying on bed in the bedroom which was visible from the place we were sitting. Nimmi asked whether we would like to talk to her. We refused, rather we suggested her to take rest. After few minutes we hear Nimmi's mom crying badly. I don't have words to explain that. I just wished to run out of there somehow but I wanted to console Nimmi. I wanted to talk to her personally which I couldn't do. We returned back.
All the way back I just asked myself, "What wrong hath she done, the person so innocent I knew to be, that she hath to take this loss?"
There is only one universal truth, "It is God's will to giveth and taketh life... We are born with a purpose, when our purpose is served then tis of no more importance..."

The song I play now on my guitar....

The song I am singing now on my guitar is 'Pani Da' from the movie Viicky Donor which I feel is very much attached to my life.... here is the song 

Pani da rang vekh ke
Akhiyaan cho anju rul de
Maahiya na aaya mera, maahiya na aaya
Maahiya na aaya mera, maahiya na aaya
Ranjhana na aaya mera, maahiya na aaya
Maahiya na aaya mera, ranjhana na aaya
Akhaan da noor vekh ke
Akhaan da noor vekh ke
Akhiyaan cho anju rul de

Kamli ho gayi tere bina aaja ranjhan mere
Baarish barkha sab kuch beh gayi, aaya nahi jind mere
Akhaan da noor vekh ke
Akhiyaan cho anju rul de

Kotthe utte beh ke akhiyaan milaunde
Na jaana main tu kabhi chhod
Tere utte marda, pyaar tenu karda
Milega tujhe na koi aur
Tu bhi aa sabko chhod ke
Tu bhi aa sabko chhod ke
Meri akhiyaan cho anju rul de
Akhiyaan cho anju rul de

Pani da rang vekh ke
Akhiyaan cho anju rul de..

The video @ Youtube
Video

The meaning"Pani da" meaning

Few moments in God's lap..

This Sunday, i.e., yesterday, was special for me. Perhaps it was not the first time that I had attended the church as a deacon.
It was an English service at church yesterday, as it was the fifth Sunday of the month. I read the epistle Romans 5:11-16 and then continued with rest of the service. At the end when the curtain was closed, I knelt before the holy altar. It was such a great feeling and it was as if sitting in the lap of God.
Every firth Sunday reminds me that am I living right. Now shouldn't I be thinking about this everyday or every Sunday. Well maybe, No! Because on every fifth Sunday I am standing inside the altar and one needs to be fit for it and I am not.
Well I just hope I change soon....

New Spark

Ha!! it is September.. :) and it was July the last time i wrote my post here. I was never sure I would come here again, write any more painful words and I never ever will.
Guess, this title means the same. One who has read my previous posts here might think am in love again but this is right. I am in love and it is more deeper. I love my all time friend, who pulled me out of my world of fantasy which was me surrounded by dark shadows.
Moving on, this month I faced another test. I knew very well this gonna happen. A girl with dark round mesmerizing eyes appears. It seems to have some sort of strong power. And I think again, questioning myself "Should I repeat this again?" and the answer was plainly "No!". I cant take any more pain. Am only looking eagerly at those stars that lit my sky in the nights. So beautiful were they and now its gone. All these were pure illusions I made up for myself.
And Satan, however strong you are gonna tempt me , you are gonna fail. Not again. This is my new life with new victories I have already achieved which I thought I would get earlier by the dark angel. Satan, even if your dark angel pulled me down, today a fair white angel from God has saved me. I am proud to be pure today. :)

The blog is not gonna stop because of some crap happen in my past. It was my past and will always be. Few touch and memorables remain and those gonna burn. I wont hate my past and I cant becoz I am gonna stick to ma principles. :) See ya soon back :)

Discovering oneself---- part 2

To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved
~George MacDonald

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.
~Alexander Smith

Cry of a mother...

It is Friday May 4th 2012 and am back to my home.My mom is so damn happy to see me. After one week she gets to see me. I can feel the creepiness in her eyes. The feeling to drown me in her LOVE and CARE. This creepiness is from the depth of motherhood.
    After some time I sit for prayer with her and that is the moment I fear 'cause I know she will burst out with tears. She cries hard when she prays for her daughter who resides away from her and her heart longs to be with her daughter. In the next few minutes I wish my ears to close as her cry is worse than the crying baby taken away from his mother. Tears fill in my eyes and my ears bleed. My chest pains and I just don't wanna listen her cry. I too pray for my didi. I just pray she is blessed with a man who can take care of her and keep her happy. Her smile is simply gorgeous. God! how precious is her smile. Wouldn't You shower Your blessings on her???
   Now when I long to gift her with the best girl, I seem to be lost. For I am not certain whether how fare would I do it. I want to gift you with a girl who would love you and respect you more than me. I have always wanted that the girl whom I would marry should realize what I have for you, my mother.
                         Mamma, I remember you saying that you cried and for me to come into your life and that really means God will be with me in whatever I do for you. Mummy I do love you a lot but I do not know what will happen with my life and what I will do for you. When I see myself getting lost, myself getting drowned in the ocean I had, it is damn more painful and I see things which might only bring tears in your eyes. I will put here what vision I saw.
    You remember mom, in Orissa when we went for a prayer gathering at Jhirpani a pastor had called out that I will follow God in my very youth. Mummy! I see this coming. I tried to find my love, my partner. I failed couple of times when I could really see what they were but this was not the end. Mummy, I found my true love. For in her I could see myself. Mummy, I realized that she is the one but mummy this was again not the end. Mummy I was left behind. My everything is being taken. My breathe, my love and my touch of passion is being taken. I now feel that God is showing me something. A painful but rejoicing in God service. I feel like He wants to show that I ain't normal. I am not supposed to unite. I have to be alone. Mummy, I have felt this many times before. He wants me to serve Him. Mummy, I just pray if this turns out to be the reality you please accept me. If not I only wish you get to read this one day. God will make you read this. Till then I am here with you mom.

Song of first day

Its first of May and You are away.
I ain't looking anywhere, my heart just sways,
Thirsty for each moment to look into those eyes,
How hard it was for me to bid you goodbyes.

With every single word that I told you,
Hoping you'd feel the slightest of something new,
Even my absence shall keep you safe,
The paths won't be faint though they lie amidst the dew.

No more do I hear the birds chirping,
No more do I see the Sun rise above the hills,
Coz they are signs showing me that,
It's gonna be another day without you.