It is Friday May 4th 2012 and am back to my home.My mom is so damn happy to see me. After one week she gets to see me. I can feel the creepiness in her eyes. The feeling to drown me in her LOVE and CARE. This creepiness is from the depth of motherhood.
After some time I sit for prayer with her and that is the moment I fear 'cause I know she will burst out with tears. She cries hard when she prays for her daughter who resides away from her and her heart longs to be with her daughter. In the next few minutes I wish my ears to close as her cry is worse than the crying baby taken away from his mother. Tears fill in my eyes and my ears bleed. My chest pains and I just don't wanna listen her cry. I too pray for my didi. I just pray she is blessed with a man who can take care of her and keep her happy. Her smile is simply gorgeous. God! how precious is her smile. Wouldn't You shower Your blessings on her???
Now when I long to gift her with the best girl, I seem to be lost. For I am not certain whether how fare would I do it. I want to gift you with a girl who would love you and respect you more than me. I have always wanted that the girl whom I would marry should realize what I have for you, my mother.
Mamma, I remember you saying that you cried and for me to come into your life and that really means God will be with me in whatever I do for you. Mummy I do love you a lot but I do not know what will happen with my life and what I will do for you. When I see myself getting lost, myself getting drowned in the ocean I had, it is damn more painful and I see things which might only bring tears in your eyes. I will put here what vision I saw.
You remember mom, in Orissa when we went for a prayer gathering at Jhirpani a pastor had called out that I will follow God in my very youth. Mummy! I see this coming. I tried to find my love, my partner. I failed couple of times when I could really see what they were but this was not the end. Mummy, I found my true love. For in her I could see myself. Mummy, I realized that she is the one but mummy this was again not the end. Mummy I was left behind. My everything is being taken. My breathe, my love and my touch of passion is being taken. I now feel that God is showing me something. A painful but rejoicing in God service. I feel like He wants to show that I ain't normal. I am not supposed to unite. I have to be alone. Mummy, I have felt this many times before. He wants me to serve Him. Mummy, I just pray if this turns out to be the reality you please accept me. If not I only wish you get to read this one day. God will make you read this. Till then I am here with you mom.
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